Camilla: Violetta and the Pearl 18

I woke up in Mumus bed. Little pearlless dragon right next to me, in front of the picture of her brother. Mu was in the reading chair just across from the bed. When she saw that I was awake she walked over to sit down on the side of the bed. I was weighed down by a thick duvet and her favourite quilt on top of that. The weight made me feel contained, safe. My head was pounding.

-       Hey honey. There you are. You slept for a long time.

Mu looked tired. Her skin was parched and more grey than usual.

-       You need to tell me about your past, Mu.

She looked straight into my eyes without surprise.

-       Who told you, sweetie?

-       Miss Mabel.

-       I see. 

She put the quilt over me again and folded it back a little back. Straightened the embroideries at the short end. Sighed.

-       I’m not sure why miss Mabel wants you to know about my past sweetie. The thruth is, you know all you need to know about me. You might even know more about me than most people. But if it is important to you, I will tell you.

-       It’s important. 

I swallowed and tried to keep breathing calmly.

-       Ok. When I was a young teenage girl, Bernie and I were on our way back home from a concert in a barn club. A jazz club in a big barn just outside of our town where people who loves music, no matter your age or colour of skin, could come to listen to bands. We were walking and we were still filled with the music we had heard. It was as if we had been somewhere else for a few hours, another planet where we were completely free, completely one with the world the music was painting and pulling us into. 

      - Maybe we were not paying attention, we never saw the men coming. They were suddenly standing in front of us. It all happened very fast. I remember screaming and being held to the ground. I could see two men kicking Bernie where he was lying on the ground. He was screaming “Don’t touch my baby sister!” Over and over again, until he didn’t make any sounds anymore. 


 - I was raped and beaten until I almost died. Bernie was so severly beaten he was in a coma for two weeks. He was never the same after that.

The claws of the hatred Mu described to me were trying to rip me open from the inside. I hated those men. Fire inside of me, hating, hating.

-       The reason I didn’t want to tell you about this my love, is because I didn’t want to invite you into this darkness. When I say you know everything there is to know about me, I mean it. The person you know is who I really am. Something died that night, but something else took its place.

I was sobbing. Tears dripped down on the quilt and made the scarlet red patches even deeper in colour.

-       But how can you just move on, Mu? How can you not be angry or scared? Bitter?

-       There are pockets of gold everywhere, Chrys. That is the truth. They are everywhere and the only thing you have to do to be able to see and feel them, is to look for them. And then recognize them when you do. There are so many, every day, everywhere. That is how I live. I don’t remember making a choice, but something or someone chose for me. After what happened I had only two choices: to die or to live day by day, looking for the pockets of gold that are present e v e r y w h e r e.

I was looking at the dragon. It seemed as if it was looking at me too.

I sank into some kind of sleep, but I could feel Mu’s presence even as everything became still.